PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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