haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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