a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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