Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
