Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
