some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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