She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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