Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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