So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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