guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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