sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's blow job season.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
