He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
