My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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