Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
