...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
