How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
