So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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