moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
