At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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