He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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