i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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