i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My ATM looks so different sober.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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