Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
