i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
