dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
