I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm too high and old for this...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
