we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
