right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
