I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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