Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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