I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Randomize
