PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
