ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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