Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My vagina is officially offended.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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