I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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