She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
