my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
