He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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