He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
