And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I looked at my own cervix.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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