So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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