i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
