I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
