Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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