i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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