Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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