Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
