:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
