This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I die, sorry about rent.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
