he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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