I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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