whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
