Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
