well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
