so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize