Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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