the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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