More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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