Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
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the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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