Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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