Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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