I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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