I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's the barista slut.
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dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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