i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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