i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
