Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
