I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
