i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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