Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
