well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
