two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I currently don't understand fingers.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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