also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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