i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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